Hello Friends. *waves* I have been wanting to do this for a long time: Start a little chat group about spanking. I got a nice energetic nudge in the form of a kindred spirit and reader.
Spanking isn't a kink of mine. It's my sexual orientation.
Jillian Keenan defines it best when she says, "It's innate, unchosen, and lifelong." That's what makes it a kind of orientation.
I have been obsessed and entranced by the concept of spanking (and discipline) before sex ever came into the picture for me. My first memory of my fascination was when I was 4 years old. I wasn't even considering sex. I didn't know what it was. It wasn't due to a spanking I got either. I was spanked exactly ONE time as a child, LOL. And believe me it wasn't much of one. And it was only because I let my parent which might sound strange to you. I say "let" because I know in my heart of hearts that if I had firmly told my parent "no" they would have found some other form of punishment. There were threats that flew around about spanking all the time in my house ... but no one was actually spanked. And as I am thinking about it, even with two brothers, we each only experienced it one time a piece so no it wasn't because I was "spanked as a kid". Not for me.
But I remember clearly wanting to see what it was like.
And my fascination only grew. It expanded to all forms of "discipline". I would search out books in the library, scenes with punishment. It gave me this feeling, this rush I couldn't describe. It wasn't always spanking. Sometimes it was just the feel of something in the ballpark of discipline. Maybe a scolding or some other kind of boundary being set. I began daydreaming. The first discipline story I ever told (to myself in my head) was just about a family of boys getting into trouble all the time. I was still about 7 or 8. Sex STILL wasn't in the picture. But it did give me some kind of feeling, like lightning racing through my body. It was exhilarating.
My first time acting out spanking was with a girlfriend. We were both ten. We played house. I was the "Mom" and she was the "kid". It was HER idea. The reason that was significant to me was because until that time, I thought I was the only "strange" one on the block who wanted to do this "thing". But no. She wanted to do it too and of course so did I, but I couldn't get over the shock that I wasn't alone. It gave us both the most amazing thrill. And once again, still non-sexual. We also somehow knew not to play this particular game of house with our other girlfriends.
Or to tell our parents---man the things us children of the 80's did because no one was really watching us! Ha!
Let's fast forward from that time to where I'm an adult who wanted to explore these ideas in a more adult fashion.
There wasn't much information around about people like me. Originally I assumed that spanking must be a kink of mine. Because yes, when I got to be a teen and started thinking about sex, spanking was involved.
But not in the way one might think (I'll get to this).
When I was in the phase of assuming I must have a "kink" I thought I was into BDSM. And sure, are there elements I like about BDSM? Yes. I enjoy the um, literature. I love writing it. I definitely get enjoyment and would (and have) totally "play" ... but I would say with BDSM it's more about the Power Exchange for me than anything else. That may perhaps be the connection with a sexual orientation of spanking? Or not. Still unsure for myself.
There are so many nuances to spanking/discipline too. While spanking goes to the top of the list for me, pretty much anything to do with drawing those lines and boundaries has me swooning. Some words. A look. A warning.
Care taking nuances are there too which I think are just as important and exhibit in many ways, which is why I try to write so many. I have so many characters with so many variations that I hope show these varied personality types. I think that's why so many "pet names" or "nicknames" show up in my works. There's something to that.
All that being said, this doesn't mean it's devoid of sexual feelings for me. Like with everything, there are a myriad of faucets. How these manifest in each of us will be different and our own.
Coming out as a spanker/spankee is hard too. It's embarrassing to say that you like to be punished when you misbehave ... for real. That it's not some kinky sex game. I mean, yes there are "funishments" but even that's a little easier to tell people (at least for me). Or even being the person who likes handing out the punishment. That's a whole other ball of wax because these people are often labelled as abusive. When really ... yeah they fucking love turning your ass red, but at the same time, genuinely want the best for you. They just know the way through to you is your spanking ass! Plus, it's equally soothing places inside them to DO the spanking.
Alright. We know I can write this topic forever. I will come write more at some point.
I have made a group currently labelled Spanking Talk. I want to invite all. Even if you're just interested. I thought about that one a while because I know (especially when getting comfortable about your orientation yourself) you only want to be around those are just like you.
For the most part, I think that's who's gonna join anyway. But what if someone out there has a partner like us and they want to learn so that they can be there for their partner? We could help that couple. Or what if someone that's already in our group (because a group of us has gathered over the years) doesn't quite have this as their orientation but would like to be with us and support us? I don't want to exclude those people.
I will, however, vet everyone. I will do my best to make sure I know who's joining. It's a private group and only members I approve can join. I can kick unsavoury folks out too! lol
And as much as I'm hoping the group will maintain itself, I will act as mod for now. I will share my experiences and give as much as I can and perhaps others will too. Though if someone would like to help me, I'm all for it. I am so busy right now, I'll probably be a distant mod.
I hope we can all learn from each other but most of all, have a place we can meet and feel like we are not alone.
Because you're not. You aren't alone. You're gonna be surprised as to how many little things you'll have in common with us.
If you wanna join, here is the link Spanking Talk