Being Poly AND Demi

Hello! Welcome to my ramblings.

Mock, you didn't even post in July. What was up with that?

Full honesty here? I took it a bit easy in July. This doesn't mean I didn't do anything. In general, I'm a busy person. But in my regular day-to-day, I'm beyond busy. To get stuff done (everything done) I need to commit to a schedule and therefore all the things. For August, I will be back to it, including my self-care regimen!

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Okay, on with the ramblings.

Last time I spoke of poly stuff. If you head one blog back, you can read that one and get caught up. After that blog post, someone approached me and said, "Mock, how on Earth can you be poly + demi at the same time?"

First, if you are not familiar with the term "demisexual", I'm going to point you toward Pup Amp because he explains it so well. I didn't know what to call myself until I watched his video. All I knew was how I felt. I still don't really label myself, but I use this term to have effective conversations because we need words for that. Here is the LINK if you want to watch it. And when I went to grab the link for that one, THIS one came up too, which is this exact topic we're chatting in this blog so I'm adding that one as well. Which brings me to that of course there are a ton of (better) resources than me on the web. My blog is merely my ramblings about my journey. The diary of a person traversing her sexuality if you will, lol. I share in case you might want to hear a firsthand account of someone's heart and brain moving through this.

Anyway, I think (and I could be wrong) that sometimes people simply associate poly with the act of sex only. Certainly, that's part of it. That is not how I think of poly. I think about poly as the ability to fall and love and/or have genuine feelings for more than one person.

To me, an "open" relationship or marriage is a tad different. Things get complex here and yes, each person's poly-style relationship is their own (I'm not here to tell anyone how to live their lives or define their sexuality) but at the core of poly for me is an emotional connection. Not just sex and ...

... oh wait a minute Mock, you might also be demi.

Ah ha!

That's where the demi comes in for me. I am not one to have a bunch of random sex. I need the emotional connection. Like, even for a one-time sex deal, there would have to be something. A fantasy. An idea. A get-to-know-you section of the night. I would need attraction beyond the physical. At its core, that's what demi is. There is nuance and variation on the spectrum of course, but essentially it's about *needing* an emotional connection.

And I just wanna say that even people who are monogamous can have fly-by-night sex. You know, one-night stands? Those are not exclusive to poly people.

So essentially, I have fallen in love with more than one person at the same time because being demi doesn't mean you can only fall in love once or that you only are in love with the person you are with.

BUT.

As a demi person, I don't get the feels for that many people. It doesn't happen often. Very few people really turn my crank, lol!

For instance, I can be attracted to half of Hollywood, and yet, I don't want to fuck or be in a relationship with half of Hollywood. This may not be the best example, but what I'm trying to say is I can see many people who I find are beautiful and attractive, daily even, but I don't want to "get with them". That "get with them" feeling happens infrequently for me.

Sometimes, it's happened while I was in love with someone else. As to whether I act on that feeling it's dependent on the relationship I'm in at the time and the parameters.

So there you have it. I don't know if this makes any sense. As I learn more about myself, I'm sure I'll have better ways to explain my feelings.

But being on the ACE spectrum doesn't mean you can't be poly too -- one woman's journey.

Next, I would like to talk about kink and how it's not just something spicy people do in the bedroom. It's part of our sexuality.

I will also do a blog on Tristan II. I'm going to talk about stuff and things while writing that book.

Hope you enjoyed and see you again soon :)